


Everything

by ecert



Category: Mewgulf, Thai Actor RPF, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mew's PoV, MewGulf interview, gulf's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26341669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecert/pseuds/ecert
Summary: Gulf knows that he is not good with words. He always struggles at expressing himself. He’s blunt and simple, and is never sure of what is too much or nor enough at all.So most of the time, he’s grateful that other people help him choose the words he should say during interviews. It’s for the best, really. Gulf is fine with that.It’s just that sometimes, he wishes he could say what he really thinks. What he really wants. The truth for all to know. Fuck the consequences.Sometimes… he just wants to say it all.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 41
Kudos: 230





	1. Everything - Gulf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gulf knows that he is not good with words. He always struggles at expressing himself. He’s blunt and simple, and is never sure of what is too much or nor enough at all.
> 
> So most of the time, he’s grateful that other people help him choose the words he should say during interviews. It’s for the best, really. Gulf is fine with that.  
> It’s just that sometimes, he wishes he could say what he really thinks. What he really wants. The truth for all to know. Fuck the consequences.
> 
> Sometimes… he just wants to say it all.

_............._

_I hope, my love, that every time you look at your hands,_

_you feel that you are missing mine._

_............._

Gulf takes a deep breath and releases it slowly before he steps out of the dressing room and walks toward the set for that day live.

P’Mew is already there, sitting on the couch the staff has arranged for them to interact during the interview. He’s reviewing the script again, even though they had already gone over it together a few minutes ago. Always so professional, so careful. He rarely leaves anything to chance, even if Gulf doesn’t exactly make it easy for him.

His Phi looks up as soon as he steps past the staff and smiles at him. And Gulf finds himself smiling back. P’Mew is there, taking care of everything as usual. Everything will be fine. Gulf can do this.

As soon as he sits down, his Phi puts one arm around his waist and pulls him closer, raising his other hand up to his head to fix an already fixed hair. It’s like a ritual between them, P’Mew seems to need it and Gulf is more than fine with it. Happy to indulge his Phi.

\- Everything ok, tua-aeng? – P’Mew says almost in a whisper, only for Gulf to hear. His Phi had started calling him like that and Gulf still didn’t know how to breathe properly whenever he heard it. Did his Phi know how it affects him? How desperate Gulf was for it to be true?

\- Chái Phi – Gulf says in what he hopes is a reassuring manner, smiling lightly.

\- Mmmm – P’Mew only nods showing concerning in his eyes. Fuck, Gulf should know better by now. Few things escape his Phi’s gaze.

Gulf knows that he is not good with words. He always struggles at expressing himself. He’s blunt and simple, and is never sure of what is too much or nor enough at all.

So most of the time, he’s grateful that other people help him choose the words he should say during interviews. It’s for the best, really. Gulf is fine with that.

It’s just that sometimes, he wishes he could say what he really thinks. What he really wants. The truth for all to know. Fuck the consequences.

Sometimes… he just wants to say it all.

And it seems like today is one of those times.

Gulf needs to reassure his Phi. He knows what he has to answer. He can do it. _He will_ , no matter what. He would never do anything that could harm P’Mew. His Phi has to know it, right?

But before he can say anything, the MC arrives on set and they prepare to start the live.

MC: Sawadee krub everyone, today we have with us one of the hottest couples at the moment!! Please welcome MewGulf Kha Pom!!!

M: Sawadee krub, I’m Mew Suppasit.

G: Sawadee krub, I’m Gulf Kanawut.

MC: We know both of you are very busy right now, with the filming of TharnType Season 2 and other personal projects, so thank you for coming today. I’m sure many fans wants to know both of you better, so let’s start with the questions now.

M&G: Krub.

MC: The first season has become a great success. Did you think it would be like that the first time you met? A lot of people say that both of you had an amazing chemistry since the beginning, what were your first impression of each other back then?

M: well… we didn’t imagine that the series would be so popular. – _P’Mew looks at him as he start speaking, and Gulf only nods. They both agreed long ago that it’s better if his Phi gets in charge of the interviews at first. He has more experience and is so much better with words than Gulf. It’s true that he’s always trying to encourage him to answer more and longer, and Gulf is getting better as he gains confidence, but he has a long way to go yet._ – And as for the first impression… how should I say it?... He was alone in a corner surrounded by what looked like bodywards. So serious…

G: I was only shy Phi…

M: He didn’t smile or talk to anyone, and had like a… superiority look all the time… - _P’Mew says while laughing, and Gulf laughs too. He was just lost and nervous that time, everything was new to him. And being as introvert as he is, he didn’t know how to act._

G: I didn’t know the other cast… so I just sat quietly. – _Gulf tries to explain himself as he feels his Phi’s arms embrace him tightly while they continue to laugh._

MC: So what about P’Mew, N’Gulf? What were your first impression?

G: Mmm… P’Mew… - _Gulf keeps thinking as his Phi looks at him expectantly. P’Mew often looks at him like that, ready for a nice word or compliment; though Gulf answers rarely met his expectations. But what could Gulf say? That his eyes were glued to him since the very first time he saw him? That he was so breathtakingly handsome in person that all Gulf could do was stare and try not to blush too much? That Gulf already knew who P’Mew was back then; that he had watched his previous series, and followed all the rumours and news after it? That a few days later, when they met in the workshops, he discovered that under all his smiles, and jokes, and kind words, there was a terribly broken person? That even then, all P’Mew did were try to approach him and make him comfortable? That something deep inside Gulf hurt so much every time he did it? That right then Gulf made a promise with himself?. But Gulf can’t say any of that, can he?_ – P’Mew was with his fans that day… and when they found out that we would act together, they asked me to take a photo with him.

MC: And then you started talking with each other?

M: It was very little at the beginning… until I asked him about games. – _His Phi’s arms lighten up around him, and now only one of them remains over his shoulders. Gulf has done it again. Same old devious reply. Another unsatisfying answer for his Phi._

G: Krub.

MC: Mmm that’s good, you found something in common that allowed you to start knowing each other. What about working together? Was it difficult?

M: Not at all. Gulf takes work seriously. We discussed and practiced the scenes together and it’s easy and fun to work with him. – _Gulf notices his Phi’s hand caressing his thigh as he speak. As if he wants to make sure Gulf knows he’s been honest. Gulf nods with a pleasant smile on his lips._

G: P’Mew helped me a lot though… He had more experience, so if there was something that he thought he would do differently, he would tell me and explain me why. – _The look in his Phi’s eyes is content and proud._ _And Gulfs wonders for a moment why he doesn’t compliment his Phi more often. Maybe because he is afraid that once he starts, he wouldn’t be able to stop; and he would sound just like another sick lovebird around P’Mew._

MC: But I heard that you argue some times.

M&G: Krub. – _And they both laugh while looking at each other. Well, that’ll be an understatement. They fight a lot, for the silliest things you can imagine. P’Mew is a perfectionist and a control freak. Gulf goes with the flow and doesn’t think about things too much. And both are hot tempered. So they are meant to collide._

M: But most of the time it’s about little things.

G: Krub.

M: And we reconcile immediately afterwards.

G: Krub.

MC: What was the longest fight you had?

M: Mmm… it was in… Samui?? – _Gulf squirms a little in his seat. And feels P’Mew caressing his neck lightly._

G: Samet.

M: Samet, yes. We didn’t talk to each other for nearly a day. – _Gulf always let his Phi tell that story. The truth is that he hates it. They really argued that time, all shouts and hurting words. Gulf still remembers how afraid he had been when they separated, how lost and terrified he had felt during long hours, trembling alone in his hotel room._

MC: So how did you reconcile?

M: We had to shoot some scenes together, so we really didn’t talk about it. We started talking normally to each other at some point. _– P’Mew laughs a bit as if to rest importance so the MC could move on to another question. By the time they had to film the NC scene in Type’s bedroom, they were almost their usual self’s. But they hadn’t talked about things yet, so something was still missing between them. They were given only a few tips regarding the blockings, the rest was up to them, and something in Gulf seemed to break loose as the scene was filmed. “Wow, you know?” Had said Phi Tee to Gulf that time. “That little movement you do with your head at the beginning when Tharn is behind you, kissing your nape while he slowly climbs up to your cheek? You move your head subtly as to encounter him. That’s something only real lovers do. It’s like they want to linger in the touch of their lover. Congrats, that was an amazing acting.” Gulf froze right there and could only nods vaguely. Did he yearn P’Mew’s touch so badly that he didn’t realise what he was doing in front of the cameras?_

MC: It has to be weird for the staff to see you two distant which each other, you’re always so close, P’Mew is always touching N’Gulf. Why are you always hugging him?

M: I like it. – P’ _Mew says without a beat, putting Gulf in a big hug as if to make a point._

MC: And you’re ok with that N’Gulf?

G: Yes I am. – _So what if Gulf is a little bit flushed? It’s the truth. And his Phi is hugging him so tightly right now that Gulf is almost on his lap._

MC: You are easy going, aren’t you N’Gulf?

G: I’m ok with it… how… how could I say it… I’m fine with him doing it – _Isn’t it so obvious? Gulf is not a touch person, everyone knows it. Many people had tried to touch or hug him during the filming of the series. They saw P’Mew doing it and decided it was ok to try it too, a normal thing to do with friends. It was not. Gulf doesn’t know how to explain it, but only P’Mew’s arms feels good around him. And no matter the strength he uses, lately, it’s seems like it’s never enough to Gulf. It would never be enough._

MC: Don’t worry, what you said is perfect. Frequently, you say that P’Mew take care of you. How does he do it?

G: Mmmm… I say it many times… like, he gives me advice and encourages me... – _And texts me to ask if I came home safely, or if I’d eaten enough before going to bed; if I went to sleep too late, if I’m tired after a long shooting day. He tries to make funny jokes when I’m upset, and tolerates my grumpiness in early morning’s shootings. He saves my favourite food when we eat with other cast members, and buys me crispy pork with basil when he’s done shooting his scenes and waits for mine to finish. He guides me through the fans with a hand on my lower back so I don’t trip over anything, and protects me when they get too enthusiastic. He arranges my clothes, fixes my hair, and ties my shoelaces. He even holds the fucking doors for me._

MC: I see… and you? You also take care of P’Mew?

G: Krub.

M: How? How do you take care of me? _– His Phi is looking at him teasingly with a knowing smile. And Gulf crosses his arms and smiles sheepishly_.

G: I… - _Gulf tilt his head to the side as if thinking, but seriously, the truth is that he doesn’t take care of his Phi. Gulf had tried, but P’Mew is so mature and capable. So professional and talented, that there is no room for Gulf to take care_. - … I’ll be a good boy.

M: you’ll be a good boy? And how is that taking care of me?? – _His Phi laughs then, that reply always amused him. But it’s all Gulf has to offer._

G: I won’t be naughty, so Phi won’t get angry…

M: Ohhh

MC: In the series, we saw both of you been jealous with each other, mostly Type… It’s the same in real life? Are you possessive with P’Mew, N’Gulf?

G: Mmm no… not really… - _Well, that has to be the biggest lie since the beginning of the interview. If prince charming would exists in real life, it will definitely be P’Mew. He is hot and handsome, so thoughtful and kind, with lots of talents, hardworking and professional. Gulf knows that literally everyone wants a piece of him. But Gulf learned long ago to be fine with it, because what all of them see is only the outside of his Phi. It had been long months of workshop and filming before P’Mew began to really trust and lift his walls around him. And it was then when Gulf started to fall hopelessly in love with him. Suddenly, Gulf found himself discovering a much more vulnerable and insecure person that the one he allowed other people to believe; a needy person with so much love to give but without no one who truly wants it; broken and put back together too many times. A nerd who loves to read and learn new things, a child who spends lots of money buying animated figures. He pouts, and whines, and the first time Gulf heard his Phi laughing with abandoned freedom, it was so loud and chaotic, and so fucking beautiful, that all Gulf could think of in that moment was what to do to hear it again, and again, and forever. And all of that it’s for what Gulf will fight. With teeth and claws. He wants that imperfect version of P’Mew only for himself._

M: wouldn’t you be even a little? – _His Phi_ _sulks slightly, sounding a bit disappointed. And Gulf fights not to roll his eyes. His Phi might not be able to see him trying not to sulk (and failing miserably) when he pays attention to others instead of him, but he sure has seen him doing it in many fancams._

G: but you didn’t do anything bad… or did you?

M: I didn’t – _P’Mew’s reply sounded so serious suddenly. And Gulf has to laugh nervously and look away._

G: Krub.

MC: What about you P’Mew? Are you possessive of N’Gulf?

M: Am I possessive of you? – _And damn that low and deep tone of him that do so many things to Gulf._

G: Krub

M: Ooohhh… how am I possessive of you? – _Gulf tries to smile without letting the sadness he feels show. Everyone who had been following them had seen the way P’Mew would always button up his shirt to cover the visible skin of his chest, pull down his t-shirt so he don’t show his belly, or tell him to change from short to long pants. He intercepts the kisses he throw at their fans, and keeps overly touchy MCs at bay. Small things that delight their fans, but that means little to him. Gulf has another concept of possessiveness, more subtle perhaps, but much stronger. What Gulf wants is for his Phi to think of him whenever he saw a stand of crispy pork with basil, to be reminded of his skin while he eats chocolate ice cream, to hum a song thinking of his smile. For him to not be able to find warmth in others embraces, for his eyes to search him with eagerness in the crowd. And yes, Gulf can admit without shame how much he would like his Phi to leave a small but permanent mark on his skin, barely visible unless someone moves his t-shirt a little, or gets too close._

G: Like that day when we were doing a live at my condo, and I was wearing short pants. Phi kept nagging at me every time I lifted my legs.

M: I was concerned about your image.

G: That’s what people call possessiveness. – _Gulf knows his Phi is pleased as he feels his hand touching his head tenderly._

MC: What about the part of the body you like most of the other?

G: You answer first, Phi.

M: For me… I like N’Gulf lips the most. – _Gulf is so very aware of it. As all their fans lately. His Phi have been looking at his lips since the beginning of the workshops, little glances at first, nothing much. But after their first kiss… well, let’s just say it escalated quickly. For God’s sake, the latest Missha Live was almost a disaster. So what if he parted his lips more than necessary while his Phi painted them in red? It sure wasn’t on purpose, was it?_ – They are soft and firm… and beautifully shaped.

G: Krub.

M: I also like his ears.

G: They are so tiny…

M: I think they are cute. - _Suddenly Gulf feels warm all over. How kind of his Phi to like the only thing he said he was insecure about._

MC: and you N’Gulf? What part of P’Mew you like the most?

G: I like his eyes. – _It’s true. Gulf likes his Phi eyes a lot. They are beautiful and so expressive. Sometimes you can bath in their clearness, and other times get lost in their mystery. They are deep and intense. They could melt you with kindness as easy as they could leave you paralyzed with their fierceness. Although Gulf likes them best when they are only a tiny slit while he laugh._

MC: It’s like you look at them and you melt?

G: Krub. – _Gulf hears P’Mew laugh shyly. He was distracted with his own thoughts and answered without thinking too much about it. Well, it’s true._

M: You say yes… - _His Phi’s hands are now squeezing his shoulders. And if Gulf could have been completely honest, he would have answered that his favourite part of P’Mew are his hands. All who have seen them can tell how fucking sexy his big, veiny hands are. However, what Gulf likes most about them is how extremely gentle they are. It still amazes him how such a strong and firm grip can be so kind at the same time. They have the power to make Gulf feel protected and secured, to soothe his insecurities and give him courage. He loves them as they slowly encircle his waist from behind and start patting his tummy with whatever beat his Phi hums in that moment. He loves them as they hold his own hands tightly, like a promise to never let go. He loves them as they brush his cheekbone while pretending to remove a hair, or how firm they lift his chin so he can kiss his cheek, as if Gulf will ever resist. And deep in the night, alone in his cold bed, Gulf likes to imagine those hands caressing him without leaving an inch of his skin untouched, making him beg for more, always more, and wrecking him until the only words that came out of his mouth were “please” and “Mew”, “Mew, “Mew”._

MC: Let’s go back to the series, and if I’m not wrong, there were at least one kiss in every episode. What is your favourite and why?

M: For me it was the ankle kiss. – _Really, his Phi is such a romantic._

G: So, if I say I like every kiss scene… - _The three of them laugh. But it’s true. Every kiss scene was different and told its own history. And all of them had P’Mew’s lips over his, so really, Gulf loved all of them. His Phi doesn’t do anything half way, so of course his kisses aren’t an exception. And people had only seen the low rated kisses of the series, if they could see their workshop kisses… Gulf had had to start jerking off before rehearsals, and even then, there had been times that he embarrassed himself nonetheless._

M: You can’t!! What is your favourite?

G: You want to guess?

M: Mmmm… episode 4?

G: Krub!

MC: Why episode 4?

G: Because it’s the first time Type wants Tharn. – _Type had been curious about his desire for Tharn for days, and finally he’d been brave enough as to conceive an excuse to sleep with him. Gulf can relate to that need. Although if there is a kiss scene he can truly relate, it would be the soft kiss Type gives to Tharn after the night of Puifai’s mess. It was Type the one who had reached to Tharn then, turning his face so he can kiss him. Type was no longer afraid of his love. He was still scared of so many things, but not about his love for Tharn. It had happened to Gulf too. His Phi suddenly appeared singing happy birthday to him in his first solo fan meeting; his Phi who was aware of how worried and nervous he was at that time, surprised him by coming to support him. And in that very moment, Gulf knew it. He had fallen in love with P’Mew. That way you only experience once in your life. Gulf doesn’t know about their future, but he is sure that he will never be able to love someone the way he loves P’Mew. And as Type, he is no longer afraid to fight for it._

MC: The series teaches us that love can change a person. Type goes from hating gays to loving one of them. What’s your idea of love?

G: Mmm… for me it would be understanding each other. Like… if two persons understand each other, they would be able to be together for the rest of their lives. – _An incomplete reply again. For Gulf, love is seeking the happiness of the person you love before your own. He hasn’t always thought like that, not until he fell in love with P’ Mew. Gulf wants his Phi to be happy above anything else. He will support him in everything he’ll do, even if that path someday drift him away from him._

MC: What about you P’Mew?

M: For me it’s kind of like Gulf. I think both of them needs to understand each other, to learn from each other because people change every day.

MC: And what should the person you love be like?

M: It should be someone who can accept me completely, because I’m the type of person who like changes and do new things. That’s why I think the person who loves me must always be there to support me, and ready to be by my side whatever happens. – _Gulf has to struggle to not grin like an idiot then. He is so proud of his Phi. P’Mew’s reply until not long ago would have been something generic like that he likes someone cute and who he wants to surprise every day. And it may still be true, but now his Phi is confident enough to wish for a partner who truly accepts him for what he really is. Gulf is sure that there will be people who will think that that’s so selfish of him, but it’ll be because they don’t know all the love they would receive in return._

MC: And you Gulf?

G: I… I’m a person who doesn’t pay much attention, so it has to be someone who would take care of me. I’m an introvert too, so I’ll need for that person to approaches me first. – _Gulf doesn’t know if all of that it’s true. Well, the introvert part sure it is, but until P’Mew, he hadn’t needed anyone to take care of him. Not the way his Phi does at least. Maybe it’s not a need, maybe it’s just that he likes it very much when his Phi treats him like he’s someone special_.

MC: Ok, we are running out of time, so last question. You had said on numerous occasions that you define your relationship as “Brothers who love each other so much” or “Phi and Nong who love each other”. What if you can’t use those words? What would you be for each other?

G: But that’s what it is… - _Gulf whines a little and feels P’Mew’s arm around his shoulders trying to soothe him. Really, he is so tired of people wanting to put a name to their relationship. Brothers? Friends? Lovers? Boyfriends? All of them? None? For Gulf, there is no word that can describe their relationship. It’s special and unique. Neither of those labels would do their relationship justice._

M: Mmmm… what should I say?… Not brothers, not phi and nong… then he would be a close friend. – _Gulf was moving his leg up and down while waiting impatiently for his Phi’s reply. But he tenses up abruptly._

G: Close friend? – _Gulf can’t believe it. He’s suddenly so angry. Close friend? Really?_

M: You have a problem with it? – _P’Mew turns to look at him slightly annoyed._

G: It just confused me. To be close friends. – _Gulf tries to laugh casually. And he vaguely hears his Phi trying to explain himself. He has to calm down. It was just another stupid label._

MC: Your turn N’Gulf.

G: A good Phi then.

MC: You can’t use that word.

G: But he takes care of me. Not a loved Phi but a good Phi.

M: The answer can’t contain “Phi” – _Well, Gulf had tried hadn’t he?_

G: Then Pho. – _P’Mew is now squeezing him tightly while clenching his teeth. His Phi is laughing it out, but Gulf knows he doesn’t like that word. Gulf could have said Daddy instead of Pho. He knows his Phi likes that one better. But Gulf is still a bit angry. So fuck it_. – You said I couldn’t say Phi…

M: Am I that old?? Why am I a Pho?

G: You protect me.

MC: Ah, ok, ok. We have to end the interview here. Thank you so much for coming today. Please, everyone, follow P’Mew and N’Gulf in all their projects and TharnType the series season 2 closely.

M&G: Krub. Thank you so much.

Gulf stands up and notices a familiar hand on his lower back, guiding him through the staff as both of them gives their thanks. But as they’re about to reach their dressing room, Gulf walks faster, separating from his Phi and entering the room by himself.

He’s acting like a brat, Gulfs knows, but he can’t seem to silent that fucking word in his head… close friend. He’s not angry any more, just sad.

Gulf hears his Phi sighing as he enters just a second later, and winces as the door closes a little bit too rough.

\- Gulf. – Phi Mew’s tone is patient but firm. He is not going to let it go, is he?

\- Mm? – Gulf starts to change his clothes. His hands trembling a little as he unbuttons his shirt. He doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s just that he is having one of those days, that’s all.

\- You tensed up when I said that you are like a close friend to me. You don’t like it. – Not a question. Gulf inhales and release the air slowly, calming himself. He’d made a mistake, and his Phi was not going to let him go without knowing the whole truth.

\- I don’t.

\- But it’s just another label, like the rest.

\- I know.

\- Then why don’t you like it?

\- I don’t know.

\- Gulf – And it’s not fair. He is using that low and deep tone that makes Gulf want to be the good boy he knows he is not.

\- You already have lots of close friends. – Gulf feels his cheeks blushing. He is behaving like a spoiled child.

\- And? – Gulf bites his bottom lip with frustration. P’Mew just want to make him say it, doesn’t him?

\- I don’t want to be just another one. – His Phi’s eyes darken at that, and Gulf turns his back to him, unable to hold his gaze. He has finished changing, so he reaches for his bag, ready to leave. But then he feels his Phi’s arms slowly embracing his waist, bringing him close against his chest. He rests his chin on Gulf’s shoulder, his warm breath sending small waves of heat all throughout his body.

\- And what do you want to be Gulf? – P’Mew’s voice sounds like a promise then. And Gulf closes his eyes. He wants to scream.

 _Everything_. He wants to be his Phi’s _everything_. And Gulf is sure that his Phi is aware of his feelings since long ago. As Gulf is aware of his.

But Gulf had seen how broken his Phi were those first days at workshop. And knew the reason behind it. Gulf had made a promise with himself back then. A promise he was going to keep. He was going to see how this man, this man he loves so much, conquered the fucking world.

So Gulf will tell the truth this time.

He opens his eyes and turns his head searching for his Phi’s eyes. They are like an endless abyss, luring you to lose yourself in them. But Gulf had learned to navigate through them, so he confronts them without fears, smiling openly.

\- I want to be whatever you need me to be, Phi. For as long as you want me by your side.

P’Mew’s eyes enlarge briefly before turning even darker. They are looking at Gulf with a fierceness so raw that he blushes and looks away.

\- It’s late Phi, my mom should be waiting for me at the parking lot. – Gulf says as he taps his Phi’s arms around his waist. P'Mew tightens his hug for a moment, but eventually lets him go.

Gulf takes his bag then and walks to the door, but just as he’s about to reach it, a hand around his wrist stops him.

\- Tonight is the release of that game you kept talking nonstop all week. – Gulf turns to his Phi. – Come to my condo. We can try it.

\- But Phi, you have an early shooting tomorrow morning.

\- It’s ok.

\- … Chái Phi. – Gulf is a bit confused, but games and his Phi? Hell yeah. – I’ll take a bath and change clothes, and I’ll be there.

\- Text me when you get home. – His Phi lets go of his wrist then and Gulf grins playfully.

\- Chái… Pho. – And exits the room.

\- You… little shit… - but Gulf couldn’t hear anything more. He was laughing so hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Countless interviews inspired this. Some of them are SoSatSeoulSay, Woody from home, TEPclusives, One31, Amarin, KomChadLeuk, Urban Decay, Zokzakdara... I have used them randomly according to my purposes.
> 
> I'm thinking of doing another one with Mew's POV. Would you like it? Please tell me!


	2. Everything - Mew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mew knows that Gulf doesn’t like interviews so much. His Nong is a sincere and a straightforward person. He doesn’t understand why he has to say half-truths, or keep some things a secret. That's why sometimes he stumbles with his words, not being able to express himself rightly.
> 
> But Mew had painfully learned how twisted and wrong some people can make a word sound. And even if it still hurts, he is used to it by now. His Nong is not.
> 
> That’s why Mew would do everything in his power to protect him.

………..

_I told him he had 1 minute to make me fall in love with him._

_(He smiled, and still had 59 seconds left)_

_unanochesincafe (Pinterest)_

………..

Mew had come out of the dressing room earlier so he can review the scrip one last time. They had already gone over it a few minutes ago, but his Nong is looking a bit uneasy today, so there’s nothing wrong with being extra careful.

He hears Gulf greeting the staff as he walks straight towards him. Mew looks up then, his eyes lured to him like a moth to a flame. And he can’t help the smile that automatically forms in his lips. His Nong looks dazzling.

Mew draws him closer to him as soon as he sits down, eyes roaming greedily over his face. His hand unconsciously reaches up to fix his Nong’s hair, and his breath hitches a bit. The staff has started to do his hair in this new style, and it’s driving Mew crazy. Gulf looks disheveled, as if someone’s hands have gotten tangled in his hair while a mouth ruin his lips. God, Mew would give him twice the dowry right now if that meant he could be that someone.

\- Everything ok, tua-aeng? – Mew thinks that a tiny shiver run through his Nong then, but he is not sure.

\- Chái Phi – Gulf has tried to sound reassuring, but Mew is not that convinced.

\- Mmmm – Mew won’t push him further, but he’s afraid this is one of those days in which Gulf struggle between what he wants to say and what he should say.

Mew knows that Gulf doesn’t like interviews so much. His Nong is a sincere and a straightforward person. He doesn’t understand why he has to say half-truths, or keep some things a secret. That's why sometimes he stumbles with his words, not being able to express himself rightly.

But Mew had painfully learned how twisted and wrong some people can make a word sound. And even if it still hurts, he is used to it by now. His Nong is not.

That’s why Mew would do everything in his power to protect him.

Mew wants to reassure his Nong, tell him that he will do a great job, as always. But before he can say anything, the MC arrives on set and they prepare to start the live.

MC: Sawadee krub everyone, today we have with us one of the hottest couples at the moment!! Please welcome MewGulf Kha Pom!!!

M: Sawadee krub, I’m Mew Suppasit.

G: Sawadee krub, I’m Gulf Kanawut.

MC: We know both of you are very busy right now, with the filming of TharnType Season 2 and other personal projects, so thank you for coming today. I’m sure many fans wants to know both of you better, so let’s start with the questions now.

M&G: Krub.

MC: The first season has become a great success. Did you think it would be like that the first time you met? A lot of people say that both of you had an amazing chemistry since the beginning, what were your first impression of each other back then?

M: well… we didn’t imagine that the series would be so popular. – _Mew turns to his Nong, seeking his assent. After the first few interviews, Gulf had asked him to channel the answers so that he could continue along the same lines. Mew, being the control freak that he is, hadn’t had much trouble doing it. But sometimes he gets frustrated. He watches all his Nong’s solo interviews, and they are flawless. He always looks honest and confident. So why doesn’t his Nong see it? He is so competent and talented._ – And as for the first impression… how should I say it?... He was alone in a corner surrounded by what looked like bodywards. So serious…

G: I was only shy Phi…

M: He didn’t smile or talk to anyone, and had like a… superiority look all the time… - _Mew is laughing while teasing his Nong. He loves how naive and shy he is some times. Mew just wants to squeeze him, so he does._

G: I didn’t know the other cast… so I just sat quietly. – _His Nong is whining a little as he laughs. The truth is that the first time he saw Gulf, he was lost in awe. Mew was late to the casting that day, so the first time he saw him was during his audition as Tharn. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the actors the staff has paired him until that moment. None of them had looked at him properly in the eye, some out of shyness, others just uncomfortable to be with him after the rumours. But then Gulf had walked straight to him, stopping just so close. He was at least as tall as him, and the look in his eyes was full of boldness and challenge. Mew had smirked then, a thrill running through his body. He was going to make this brat blush to his ears. And so he did. Gulf had blushed so prettily then, but fuck if he had backed down. Mew was fascinated._

MC: So what about P’Mew, N’Gulf? What were your first impression?

G: Mmm… P’Mew… - _Mew looks at him expectant. Gulf had never answered this question directly, and that upsets him a bit. Just two weeks after they met each other, Gulf had said in one of their first interviews that he was sure he would protect him. “Absolutely” he had replied without a doubt in front of a stunned Mew. What did his Nong saw in him that had made him thought like that? Mew was so guarded and careful those days, afraid to made another mistake that would definitively end his career._ – P’Mew was with his fans that day… and when they found out that we would act together, they asked me to take a photo with him.

MC: And then you started talking with each other?

M: It was very little at the beginning… until I asked him about games. – _Mew remembered his first workshop’s day as one of the weirdest of his life. After the casting, he wasn’t sure of what to expect from his new partner, but it sure wasn’t a fidgeting kid almost huddled alone in a corner, looking so lost in a crowded room. Where was the cocky and confident brat that he had met that day? Mew had approached him confused then, trying to find some topic in common, and was rewarded with tentative smiles and vague words. But then the kid had kissed him for real in their first practice session, and had hold his gaze for minutes without cowering in the slightest. He was an enigma to Mew. One that he realised he was eager to resolve._

G: Krub.

MC: Mmm that’s good, you found something in common that allowed you to start knowing each other. What about working together? Was it difficult?

M: Not at all. Gulf takes work seriously. We discussed and practiced the scenes together and it’s easy and fun to work with him. – _It’s the truth, and Mew wants Gulf to know that he’s being completely honest, so he caresses his thigh lightly. A lot of people like to say that he is so talented, but they don’t know how hard he works to meet their expectations. He is a perfectionist who likes to have things controlled and that takes his work seriously, so he knows that he can seem to be strict and exigent with his co-workers. But it had been so easy to work with Gulf. His Nong may not looks like it, but when he is working, he is serious and fearless, and eager to learn or try new things. Mew is convinced that it couldn’t’ have been another._

G: P’Mew helped me a lot though… He had more experience, so if there was something that he thought he would do differently, he would tell me and explain me why. – _Mew can’t stop purring happily a little. He likes it so much when his Nong compliments him._

MC: But I heard that you argue some times.

M&G: Krub. – _And they both laugh while looking at each other. Well, that’ll be an understatement. Mew was used to people flinching and withdrawing when he got angry, eyes avoiding his. So the first time they argued and found that not only did Gulf not recoiled but stood up, a fierce look on his eyes and harsh words coming out of his mouth, Mew was amazed. And inexplicably aroused too._

M: But most of the time it’s about little things.

G: Krub.

M: And we reconcile immediately afterwards.

G: Krub.

MC: What was the longest fight you had?

M: Mmm… it was in… Samui?? – _Mew feels_ _Gulf squirming a little in his seat, so he starts to caress his neck trying to soothe him._

G: Samet.

M: Samet, yes. We didn’t talk to each other for nearly a day. – _Mew understands why his Nong dislikes this anecdote so much. They had argued fiercely, and both had said things that they had not really meant. Mew had furiously walked straight to his hotel room, but as soon as he closed the door, he had slid to the floor, hugged his knees, and nearly tore his hair out. He had panicked then, what if he had being as stupid as to lose Gulf? The mere thought had hurt so much that had left him shaking violently for hours._

MC: So how did you reconcile?

M: We had to shoot some scenes together, so we really didn’t talk about it. We started talking normally to each other at some point. _–Mew laughs a bit as if to rest importance so the MC could move on to another question. By the time they had to film the NC scene in Type’s bedroom, they were almost their usual self’s. But they hadn’t talked about things yet, so something was still missing between them. They were given only a few tips regarding the blockings, the rest was up to them, and Mew had thought that he had all under control. The next thing he remembered was his hand clenching tightly on a perfect hip, a tiny broken gasp, a beautifully arched spine, nails digging hard into his back, and his teeth biting into a neck made for him to worship. The staff had to shout “cut” a few times before he froze, realising what he’d been doing. P’Tee had scolded him a little for getting too carried away in his feelings as “Tharn”, and Mew had been so embarrassed. It wasn’t like him to lose control like that. Did he yearn to touch Gulf so badly that he didn’t realise what he was doing in front of the cameras?_

MC: It has to be weird for the staff to see you two distant which each other, you’re always so close, P’Mew is always touching N’Gulf. Why are you always hugging him?

M: I like it. – _In fact, he loves it, so he engulfs his Nong in a big hug. It’s common knowledge that Mew likes to hug in general, he’s always hugging his friends and family. But it’s the first time his hands had literally itched to touch a single person. Mew often finds himself looking for a hair to fix or an imaginary fluff to remove just to touch him. It amazes him how his hands fits perfectly in the hollow of his Nong’s waist; or how they seem to search on their own accord the path to his soft tummy. He is mesmerized by the way their hands intertwine together, as if they’ve always belonged there. And there is a warmth in his Nong’s body when he is between his arms that screams home to Mew._

MC: And you’re ok with that N’Gulf?

G: Yes I am. – _His Nong says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and Mew would had kissed him hard right there if he could. He is hugging him so tightly now that Gulf is almost on his lap._

MC: You are easy going, aren’t you N’Gulf?

G: I’m ok with it… how… how could I say it… I’m fine with him doing it – _Mew can’t stop the strong feeling of possessiveness that invades him then. “With him”._

MC: Don’t worry, what you said is perfect. Frequently, you say that P’Mew take care of you. How does he do it?

G: Mmmm… I say it many times… like, he gives me advice and encourages me... – _One of the first things that Mew learned about Gulf was how behind that confident armour he wears like a shield, lies a kind and innocent child. His Nong has a gentle heart, easy to tear apart in this ruthless business. He knows it too well. So Mew made a promise with himself back then._

MC: I see… and you? You also take care of P’Mew?

G: Krub.

M: How? How do you take care of me? _– Yes, sometimes Mew likes to act as a teenager who enjoys teasing the person he secretly likes._

G: I… - _Mew observes with some incredulity as_ _Gulf tilt his head to the side as if thinking. Does he really doesn’t know? Isn’t he aware of all the things he did and still do to take care of him? Gulf had made him eat that first weeks in which he often forgot to do it, while pretending it to be practicing giving food to each other convincingly to the fans. And had offered himself to sing while he practiced playing the drums, smiling when Mew got frustrated at his poor singing and started singing himself to teach him; as if he knew how important music was to him and wanted to bring it back into his life. He started calling him at night with the excuse of studying their characters when the make-up could no longer hide the dark circles under his eyes, trying to distract him until he became sleepy. He began to told bad jokes that made him roll his eyes hard but that always left him with a fondle smile playing on his lips. And the calls soon morphed into video calls filled with ugly faces and meaningless laughter. His eyes are always full of trust, and his mouth full of encouragement. He can irritate him with the smallest gesture, or make him laugh so hard with the silliest thing. He is the reason why he is no longer afraid to be himself._ \- … I’ll be a good boy.

M: you’ll be a good boy? And how is that taking care of me?? – _Mew pretends to laugh. Really, how is that taking care of him? Does his Nong knows the things that word do to his poor little heart?_

G: I won’t be naughty, so Phi won’t get angry…

M: Ohhh – _Mew is so fucked. It should be impossible to be half hard just hearing him say that. Really, and people like to think of him as the one in charge of their relationship._

MC: In the series, we saw both of you been jealous with each other, mostly Type… It’s the same in real life? Are you possessive with P’Mew, N’Gulf?

G: Mmm no… not really…

M: wouldn’t you be even a little? – _Mew sulks slightly. Sometimes, he would like for his Nong to be more possessive of him. But one of the most important things that Gulf has taught him is how very little normal gestures of possession mean. What does it matter how much skin other people see if you are the only one he allowed to touch? What if he talks and laughs with others if he will always choose you before them? And is then when Mew remembers that Gulf only lets him hug him; and that in a room full of people, he will always search for him. He's not an attentive person, but he forgot how tired he was and went to surprise him on his birthday, and thought only of him when he had to make a clay figure on a show and chose to make an elephant for him. And he defends him every single time a journalist tries to speak badly of him, dismantling his lies with a calm and doubtless voice._

G: but you didn’t do anything bad… or did you?

M: I didn’t – _Mew knows that his Nong is only teasing, but he needs for him to understand that he would never do that to him. Never._

G: Krub.

MC: What about you P’Mew? Are you possessive of N’Gulf?

M: Am I possessive of you?

G: Krub

M: Ooohhh… how am I possessive of you? – _Mew has no problem playing the possessive husband his fans seem to like so much. In fact, there are sometimes when he doesn’t have to pretend at all. Most of the time, his Nong doesn’t realise how incredible handsome he is; you could be looking appreciating at him, but then he unexpectedly makes a certain move, or looks at you in a specific way, that suddenly leaves you literally breathless just at how unbelievable… beautiful he is. At that times, the desire of leaving a small but permanent mark on his Nong’s skin, barely visible unless someone moves his t-shirt a little, or gets too close, is so strong that it blurs his sight. Mew wants to be the only one he would allow to take care of him, even if he is so capable of taking care of himself. The only one he would call with that specific soft voice when he really want to apologize to him. He wants his fierceness, his boldness, his silly laugh, his bad jokes, his clumsiness. Mew wants everything. It’s that so selfish of him?_

G: Like that day when we were doing a live at my condo, and I was wearing short pants. Phi kept nagging at me every time I lifted my legs.

M: I was concerned about your image.

G: That’s what people call possessiveness. – _Mew nods conceding and touches his Nong’s head tenderly. He is so cute, really._

MC: What about the part of the body you like most of the other?

G: You answer first, Phi.

M: For me… I like N’Gulf lips the most. – _The first time he saw them, Mew knew how doomed he was. The first time they pushed firmly over his, he knew he would sell his soul for them to never stop. Mew adores absolutely everything of them. The way they narrow when he is angry, or pout while he sleeps; how soft they look when he smiles, or how wide they stretch when he laughs. And when they open over his, sweet and warm, to let his tongue play inside his mouth… Mew swears he would beg on his knees if that meant he could get just a second more. He tries to hide how obsessed he is with them, really, but lately, his naughty Nong has started to take fun in making him crave for them. For God’s sake, the latest Missha Live was almost a disaster. All Mew could think of while painting his Nong’s parted lips in red was of how smeared and pretty they would look stretched over him._ – They are soft and firm… and beautifully shaped.

G: Krub.

M: I also like his ears.

G: They are so tiny…

M: I think they are cute. – _Some nights, alone in his cold bedroom, Mew likes to imagine how red they could get while he whispers all the dirty things he would do to him if he’ll let him._

MC: and you N’Gulf? What part of P’Mew you like the most?

G: I like his eyes.

MC: It’s like you look at them and you melt?

G: Krub. – _Mew laugh shyly, shocked with the boldness of his Nong’s reply._

M: You say yes… - _Really, Gulf never fail to surprise him._

MC: Let’s go back to the series, and if I’m not wrong, there were at least one kiss in every episode. What is your favourite and why?

M: For me it was the ankle kiss. – _Tharn had kissed Type’s ankle as a silent promise. He had tried not to get too attached, had known that falling in love with him would likely result in another broken heart. But Type had been attempting for days to apologize to him in his violent and clumsy way, and had finally kissed him just because he knew that’s what Tharn really wanted. So Tharn had surrender then. He had fallen in love with Type, unconditionally and irremediably. Mew was sure that even if he wanted, his heart had been broken so many times that it will be impossible for him to love someone again. But then Gulf had come into his life like a summer storm, loud and heavy, washing away the sweltering heat and giving way to a cool, pleasant breeze. He had been putting back together one by one every single broken piece, slowly but steadily, never demanding, only giving. And Mew swears he had been trying so hard, the fear still seized deep in him. Until his single’s debut event. Gulf had appeared looking impossibly beautiful, so soft and warm, nearly ethereal; looking at him with hazy eyes full of pride. Mew had taken him to a private room, overwhelmed of all the pressure. He had closed the door and rested his head on it, exhaling jerkily. He heard it then, a small and gentle “Phi Mew”, and when he turned captivated to the sound, he found his Nong waiting with his arms open for him. Like he knew exactly what he needed right then. Mew embraced him tightly, hiding his face into his neck, feeling his Nong’s hands roaming through his back, sweet words filling his ears and soothing his heart. And like Tharn, Mew surrendered right then. He had fallen in love with Gulf. In a way that he had never fallen before. And he is sure that he will never be able to love someone the way he loves Gulf._

G: So, if I say I like every kiss scene… - _The three of them laugh, but Mew suspects that he is saying the truth. And who is he to disagree? Mew had treasured every single one of their kisses._

M: You can’t!! What is your favourite?

G: You want to guess?

M: Mmmm… episode 4?

G: Krub!

MC: Why episode 4?

G: Because it’s the first time Type wants Tharn. – _His Nong is a man of action more that words, so it makes sense._

MC: The series teaches us that love can change a person. Type goes from hating gays to loving one. What’s your idea of love?

G: Mmm… for me it would be understanding each other. Like… if two persons understand each other, they would be able to be together for the rest of their lives.

MC: What about you P’Mew?

M: For me it’s kind of like Gulf. I think both of them needs to understand each other, and learn from each other because people change every day. – _And it’s not an easy task. But when you find someone who understands you completely, and accepts you for who you really are, weaknesses and flaws included; who trusts and supports you, and who makes you truly happy… all the effort is worth it. Mew had found that person in Gulf, and will fight anyone who dares to try taking him away from him._

MC: And what should the person you love be like?

M: It should be someone who can accept me completely, because I’m the type of person who like changes and do new things. That’s why I think the person who loves me must always be there to support me, and ready to be by my side whatever happens. – _Mew is now brave enough to say it. For the first time in his life, he knows who he is and what he really wants, and it’s all thanks to Gulf. His Nong had recomposed a poor version of him and made it stronger, brighter, happier._

MC: And you Gulf?

G: I… I’m a person who doesn’t pay much attention, so it has to be someone who would take care of me. I’m an introvert too, so I’ll need for that person to approaches me first. – _Mew dreams of being that person for him._

MC: Ok, we are running out of time, so last question. You had said on numerous occasions that you define your relationship as “Brothers who love each other so much” or “Phi and Nong who love each other”. What if you can’t use those words? What would you be for each other?

G: But that’s what it is… - _Mew notices the whine in his Nong’s voice, so he puts an arm around his shoulders to soothe him. Reporters had vehemently tried for them to confirm that they are boyfriends. The thing is, that Mew had been in a few relationships in the past, and none of them could compare with what he and Gulf have. There is no word that can describe their relationship. It’s special and unique._

M: Mmmm… what should I say?… Not brothers, not phi and nong… then he would be a close friend. – _His Nong tenses up abruptly, surprising him._

G: Close friend? – _Is disbelief what Mew hears in his voice?_

M: You have a problem with it? – _Mew turns to look at him slightly annoyed. What’s so wrong with being close friends?_

G: It just confused me. To be close friends. – _Gulf tries to laugh casually, but he still sounded like he is pissed._

M: He is the close one. I can always talk with him. Even if we didn’t see each other sometimes, when we go back to work we are the same. – _Mew is trying to explain himself, but he is pretty sure that his Nong isn’t listening a word right now._

MC: Your turn N’Gulf.

G: A good Phi then.

MC: You can’t use that word.

G: But he takes care of me. Not a loved Phi but a good Phi.

M: The answer can’t contain “Phi”. – _Let’s see if he can do it better that him._

G: Then Pho. – _The little shit…_ _Mew squeezes him tightly while clenching his teeth in an awkward laugh_ – You said I couldn’t say Phi…

M: Am I that old?? Why am I a Pho? – _His Nong had said it on purpose. He knew he didn’t like that word. Mew can work with daddy and all the insinuations it has, but Pho? A Pho would never want to erase that naughty smile off his face with a kiss._

G: You protect me.

MC: Ah, ok, ok. We have to end the interview here. Thank you so much for coming today. Please, everyone, follow P’Mew and N’Gulf in all their projects and TharnType the series season 2 closely.

M&G: Krub. Thank you so much.

Both stand up at the same time and Mew rests his hand on his Nong’s lower back, a mere instinct by now. But something is amiss. Gulf is still somewhat tense, and as soon as they finish giving their thanks to the staff members and about to reach their dressing room, his Nong walks faster, separating from him.

Mew frowns, clenching his suddenly cold and empty hand. He enters the room and sighs, closing the door a bit too rough.

\- Gulf. –Mew’s tone is patient but firm. They have an agreement. If there is something they don’t like, they will talk about it and figure it out.

\- Mm? – Gulf is avoiding his eyes, hands trembling slightly while he unbuttons his shirt. And Mew’s heart hurts a little. He wants Gulf to feel safe and comfortable with him, whatever the problem.

\- You tensed up when I said that you are like a close friend to me. You don’t like it. – Mew doesn’t ask, and he watches as his Nong drop his shoulders in defeat.

\- I don’t.

\- But it’s just another label, like the rest.

\- I know.

\- Then why don’t you like it?

\- I don’t know.

\- Gulf –His Nong should know by now that he doesn’t like when he tries to hide something from him. And Mew knows what tone to use to make Gulf yield.

\- You already have lots of close friends. – Gulf finally looks at him, defiant even as his ears turns deep red.

\- And? – Mew’s throat feels dry. _Please._

\- I don’t want to be just another one. – And Mew’s eyes hazes with hunger. He vaguely notices Gulf turning his back to him and reaching for his bag, ready to leave. But Mew isn’t done yet. He succumbs to his arms needs and encircles them slowly around his Nong’s waist, bringing him close against him, never close enough. He rests his chin on Gulf’s shoulder, his mouth inches away from his ear.

\- And what do you want to be Gulf? – Whatever, Mew will let him be whatever he wants.

His Nong is already _everything_ and much more to him. And Mew is sure that Gulf has known of his feelings since long ago. As Mew knows his.

But Mew is well aware of his Nong’s barely 22 years, and the bright future awaiting for him. And Mew had made a promise with himself back then. A promise he was going to keep. He was going to protect this man, this man he loves so much, while he overcome everything he sets his mind into.

Gulf turns his eyes to him then, two lanterns that could guide him over the darkness night. A warm and candid smile that erases his deepest fears.

\- I want to be whatever you need me to be, Phi. For as long as you want me by your side.

The raw desire that invades his heart right then is so overwhelming that Mew can barely breathe.

So selfless, so generous, so Gulf.

All his life, everyone had wanted something from him. But here between his arms was this stunning, strong, and gentle man, whom destiny had put by his side; offering him whatever he desires without conditions.

And all Mew knows for sure is that he needs him by his side, forever.

\- It’s late Phi, my mom should be waiting for me at the parking lot. – Mew can’t help but tightening his arms for a second more before slowly letting him go.

He watches as Gulf takes his bag and walks to the door, but just as he’s about to reach for it, Mew’s hand grips his wrist to stop him.

\- Tonight is the release of that game you kept talking nonstop all week. – Mew’s voice sounds a little rough. Maybe a little desperate too. – Come to my condo. We can try it.

\- But Phi, you have an early shooting tomorrow morning.

\- It’s ok. – And… yes, that sure has sounded desperate.

\- … Chái Phi. – His Nong nods a bit confused, but Mew knows he wouldn’t resist to the possibility of playing games. – I’ll take a bath and change clothes, and I’ll be there.

\- Text me when you get home. – Mew doesn’t like the naughty smile forming on his Nong’s lips.

\- Chái… Pho. – And Gulf exits the room.

\- You… little shit… - but Mew shakes his head with fondness as he starts to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :D
> 
> Some of you requested a P'Mew version of the interview, and here it is hehe I hope it met your expectations!
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments on the first chapter, they made me incredibly happy.


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